I asked some Twitter followers for a list of sad songs to listen to recently and got a list of really great songs but none of them reached down and eviscerated me with the precision of the ones that I’d had already; then it occurred to me that none of the people I’d received recommendations from had children.
Granted, not all the songs that I listen to which turn me into a blubbery mess have to do with children and that’s certainly not meant to take away from the power of the songs that I was provided with but it gave me insight on my current perspective on life and where I’ve come from.
One overwhelming theme of the provided songs was loss. More specifically, loss of a partner due to a break up. It’s possible that I’m not affected by these songs as much as other sad songs because I’ve never experienced a loss that really killed me. Of course there’s been emotion and such but nothing that really stayed with me where some many years later I’m moved to tears by thinking about it. As far as relationship songs go, there’s nothing that tops “I will follow you into the dark” by Death Cab for Cutie. Mostly because when it turns the waterworks on, they are all happy tears. Every. Single. One.
And it’s because I’m positively certain I have found the most perfect person for me.
The other song that now does things to me that it never did before, since it’s a song that I’ve heard pretty much my whole life, is “Cat’s in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin. Since my boys were born, I can’t help but listen to that song through their eyes and IT KILLS ME. Completely.
I’m terrified that I will look back and remember just once that I didn’t choose to spend time with them over doing something pointless or that just couldn’t have been done later. They are more precious to me than anything ever and I’m doing my very best to ensure that they don’t ever have a time in their lives where they look back and remember me saying “Not now, I’m too busy,” and they knew that wasn’t the case.
I think that I’ve pretty much come to a point in my life where my own personal losses are nowhere near as frightening as seeing people I love hurt and must do my best to make sure that doesn’t happen. Especially by my own actions.