Over the weekend while visiting my parents, my dad asked me “why do you keep trying to kill yourself?” Now, out of context this might seem like a pretty horrible question and something I’d need to seek help about but it’s really the opposite and in reference to how I was sore from running a lot the previous week. I don’t intentionally hurt myself but by slowly pushing my limits I get sore from time to time. I’m running faster than I have in the past six years (by a lot: avg running pace down to 8:30 vs. 11:00), lifting considerably more than I have since I started weight lifting (recent 1RM deadlift PR of 345), and the injuries that have plagued me in the past are no more. I’m confident that the combination of weight training and aerobic exercise in equal balance has contributed to my progress.

This year’s running goals aren’t as aggressive as last year but the calendar is pretty full. Why am I killing myself? Well, this year I’d like to: run a sub-2 hour half, run a 21:00 min 5k (or at least very close) and try something different (tri, obstacle race, whatever). I’m learning what it is to diligently train for these events with hard goals in mind and it’s not easy nor is it quick and steady. There’s ups, downs, setbacks but best of all, little victories that give you hope it’ll all be worth it when the time on the clock is THE time.

I’ve also got the wife doing some strength training to help with her hip issues that have kept her from competing in years past. So far things look good and she’s anxious to keep going. Have the first few bits of our garage gym sitting in a box at my house, just delivered today. Mats next, weights and squat rack last. Then onto victory.

And probably some donuts.

I suppose on some level I understand people who get inspiration from a constant barrage of inspirational sayings and posters. The effect of a positive outlook on things seems to have a positive effect on life, or at least my life at this point in time. No, I haven’t been shopping at Successories and gone all kumbaya or whatever but I have taken notice of people that I follow for fitness tips and their posting of daily affirmation type of stuff and managed to pay attention without it turning me into a cultist or one of those people who won’t brush their teeth because of fluoridated water.

So, I’ve officially gone through one year of CrossFit and don’t think I would have expected to be saying that a few years ago when I took fitness a little less seriously (read: not at all). Sure, I’ve been an active runner for about five years now and have had a bit of exercise in some form for about that long as well. I started when I noticed my general overall health starting to turn into a less than desirable state and stuck with it in a general sense up until this year when I decided to train for the Chicago marathon and recognized the need for a little more in the training arsenal.

I’ve got a lot to be thankful for, a family that depends on me and a lot to look forward to, I needed to be in good shape and healthy and a lax approach to that wasn’t cutting it and didn’t want to get hurt or waste all that time training for something and have it up going to pot because I was too lazy to work hard. I’ve also made a conscious effort to eat better, paying better attention to what I’m eating and how often and have seen results. This year was good, but I can do better and realize now how my past efforts didn’t produce the results I was looking for. For as much as I tell myself I’m eating better, there are times when I don’t and simply just not paying attention to calorie intake, and that always winds up negating any previous efforts to right the wrongs so to speak.

There are a ton of programs and information out there on eating better an getting in shape and the CrossFit community is not shy about sharing what it thinks is the best for its athletes. A lot of the nutrition information centers around a paleo diet, which I can honestly say I’m not up for completely, it’s just not realistic. It does introduce a good amount of guidelines on how to eliminate sugars and carbs, which I’m trying to do more of but that’s where we come back to the realistic part. I do like cereals and oatmeal for breakfast (along with other things on the no-no list) and they don’t require a lot of prep time, so they get chosen over more paleo choices and I go on my merry way.

I can’t say I even really gave paleo enough of a shot to see if it would be worth the trouble but I’m not sure I even care. It’s just too much of a pain in the ass, even without kids and a 9-5 schedule. I think diet is one of those things that evolves as you get older and your body changes so just roll with it, be smart about what you eat and pay attention to how your body acts to certain foods. Maybe try different diets to get an idea of what works for you but if you can’t commit entirely just figure out what that diet was trying to teach you from the beginning and take away the good parts. Eating while training is a little different but I’m not on a level where it matters enough to become ridiculous about the whole ordeal.

I’ve got some loose fitness goals set for the upcoming year but I’ve come far enough at this point to know that I’m better off focusing on things one or two at a time and not trying to cram all the things together since I may or may not be able to do them down the road or however I’ve motivated myself in the past to push through training and meet deadlines. Barring any unfortunate setbacks, 2016 should be my best year yet.

So this year’s racing season is winding down and it’s been a bunch of fun. I’m happy that I’ve come through it relatively unscathed and with some good lessons and things to keep in mind for the coming years. Having finally run a full marathon, I’m happy to say that it was way more of a positive experience than a negative one. I didn’t come at all close to my goal time due to IT band issues around the 30k mark but my first half marathon had the same issue on the opposite side and I’ve never had an issue with it since. Hopefully with a bit more strength training and a stricter training schedule I’ll be able to do another and meet my goal. I’m hopeful that I can do it and will continue to work hard training through winter to carry on a little bit of the momentum I’ve built up to this point. Although my running schedule has gone down considerably since the marathon. I took about two weeks off from running after and a full week of doing pretty much nothing right after and once I finally got back to doing things again it felt great.

One thing’s for sure, the combination of strength training along with a running schedule produces much better results for me than just different types of running. I can see a lot of what I did helped but probably needed a more regular schedule of lifting along with running since my core is still very weak and always pretty much has been. It’ll be interesting to see what a strong core feels like and how it helps with everything else as much as it’s supposed to.

I’ve got one last race this year, maybe two if I do the Roselle turkey trot again, but after that it’s off season until next year. I’ve got two halfs booked for next year, at which one or both I hope to get a PR under 2 hours. With the experience gained from previous racing seasons I think I know what to work on and how to go about it. Should be fun.

So after a little bitching and moaning about not trying, I went out this morning and tried a little. It resulted in an 8:18 mile. While not a personal best I’ll take it as a little victory and be happy with it. Especially cause I didn’t die and it didn’t feel like that was all I has in me. I’m not sure I could have easily carried on a meaningful conversation but I would have at least been able to converse in a manner resembling someone who might have just been punched in the stomach by a really weak person.

Tomorrow and Wednesday I’ll be back at CrossFit and then resting Thursday, or maybe I’ll work in another short run on a CrossFit day. Either way, I’ve nudged the bar a little higher for myself and am itching to move it higher.

I know I don’t push myself as hard as I should. I know my times for avg. pace, mile and 5k can be much stronger than they are and am sure I don’t eat well enough for someone who is carrying about 20 pounds too much and should be paying attention more to that.

I’m dismayed by this because I know that I’m not trying hard enough and giving up when I can push harder. Not really sure what is stopping me but I’m going to have to figure it out in order to get ahead.

With about six months of CrossFit under my belt at this point it’s time to start pushing harder and eating better. Nothing’s gonna happen if I just continue to go through the motions and not push. That includes getting some willpower and eating better. I’m not getting any younger and refuse to let aging catch up with me.

I know, I know, a list. If I don’t actually set goals, I’m not gonna meet them and one begins meeting his goals by first writing them down. So there. I am going to do this crap next year, but start training for it all now cause I’m old and it’s gonna take awhile.

1. Run a full marathon. This is pretty much cemented at the top of this list. Be it Chicago or one of the suburban ones, I’m going to run a full marathon in 2015. I’m not setting a goal time but will do my best to train well so I don’t just do the whole “I did it” thing when I didn’t really do it at all. No, I’m not gonna cget a 26.2 sticker for the back of my car afterward.

2. Run a sub two hour half. I’m pretty sure that if I didn’t have a crappy training season that I might have actually come close to doing this in 2014 but alas, nein.

3. Run a 6:30 mile. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

4. Ride a half century. I’m setting myself up for something in 2016, Ironman Steelhead. Doing a half century will at least give me an idea whether or not part of a tri is even possible. I’m positive I can swim 1.2 miles but of course will cross that brideg when I’m fully training for it.

5. Run a 1,000 miles. I’ve never really tracked my runs faithfully or kept to a rigorous training schedule in preparation for anything big and if I intend to do any of the above without seriously hurting myself it’s about damn time I set some goals.

6. (bonus) Do more weight training. Whether this is body weight excercises or actualy weights or resistance bands and such it needs to be done more. I’m getting older and things aren’t as strong as they used to be. Actually, this isn’t a bonus one, consider it a solid number six on the list. In fact, it should probably be up at about number three.

I’m pretty sure I could stretch this list and come up with ten goals but in the end it’d probably be five good ones and five fluff that I probably wouldn’t meet anyway. 2014 was kind of a bust for me really, I had a few injuries and didn’t run my first half anywhere near as well as I wanted to, mostly due to an injury during the race which I’m sure came from insufficient training. This year’s running season serves primarily as a reminder that this shit ain’t easy and needs to be taken seriously, especially at my age. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

As much as I’d like to do my 10k this coming Sunday, I’m thinking I’m not ready, or at least my toe isn’t. I could be stubborn and just head down in the morning and attempt to run/walk the thing but that might just totally screw any healing I’ve had to this point and pout me out for my half marathon, which is this year’s reason for training. The Chicago 10k is a fun race and it’s right along the lake shore so it’s pretty, but there’s always next year. I surely wouldn’t have been able to beat last year’s time anyway, even though that time wasn’t all that great to begin with. Gonna sign up for this one instead.

Like a total idiot I went and did the one thing that could have put the biggest cramp in my training schedule, I broke my damn toe. While out playing what I thought would have been a quick game of kick the soccer ball around with the boys, I stumbled on the damn thing and slammed my right big toe directly into the ground. I thought I heard a crack but might have imagined it, either way my toe swelled up a bit and it was quite obvious I made it very unhappy. Here I am about a week and a half later and it’s still mad at me.

I can’t be mad at it though, playing soccer without shoes is not really advisable if you’re even a mildly recreational person much less one that’s in the middle of a six-day-a-week running schedule. I am still pretty mad at myself even though there’s nothing I can do about it (except want to smack myself in the face with a frying pan) — and that would only complicate my situation so I’ll complain about it on the internet.

With two weeks to go before my next race I’ll have very little time to heal, much less train effectively. I’ll most likely attempt to run limp a short distance to see where I am at the end of the week. Although I wouldn’t be the happiest person if I had to skip my August races I won’t cry about it since I’m not gonna hurt myself any further by compounding stupidity with stubbornness. Hell, I’ll walk my August races if need be.

EDIT @ 2:00 pm: And now I just bit my cheek. I give up.