I asked some Twitter followers for a list of sad songs to listen to recently and got a list of really great songs but none of them reached down and eviscerated me with the precision of the ones that I’d had already; then it occurred to me that none of the people I’d received recommendations from had children.

Granted, not all the songs that I listen to which turn me into a blubbery mess have to do with children and that’s certainly not meant to take away from the power of the songs that I was provided with but it gave me insight on my current perspective on life and where I’ve come from.

One overwhelming theme of the provided songs was loss. More specifically, loss of a partner due to a break up. It’s possible that I’m not affected by these songs as much as other sad songs because I’ve never experienced a loss that really killed me. Of course there’s been emotion and such but nothing that really stayed with me where some many years later I’m moved to tears by thinking about it. As far as relationship songs go, there’s nothing that tops “I will follow you into the dark” by Death Cab for Cutie. Mostly because when it turns the waterworks on, they are all happy tears. Every. Single. One.

And it’s because I’m positively certain I have found the most perfect person for me.

The other song that now does things to me that it never did before, since it’s a song that I’ve heard pretty much my whole life, is “Cat’s in the Cradle” by Harry Chapin. Since my boys were born, I can’t help but listen to that song through their eyes and IT KILLS ME. Completely.

I’m terrified that I will look back and remember just once that I didn’t choose to spend time with them over doing something pointless or that just couldn’t have been done later. They are more precious to me than anything ever and I’m doing my very best to ensure that they don’t ever have a time in their lives where they look back and remember me saying “Not now, I’m too busy,” and they knew that wasn’t the case.

I think that I’ve pretty much come to a point in my life where my own personal losses are nowhere near as frightening as seeing people I love hurt and must do my best to make sure that doesn’t happen. Especially by my own actions.

Not so much a year in review, but a simple post on looking back to be thankful that a year which seemed pretty rocky was actually really good, or ended up that way anyhow.

My son Jimmy was born this year in April and he had a good start. He was healthy a from the beginning, no real issues to be worried about but a few that took their toll on the household for a little while. He didn’t sleep well for a long time and that was hard on the mama but that’s thankfully on the right track. Thankful for that cause Jimmy is really very sweet and the little things keeping him unfocused made for a stressful time.

Charlie grew quite a bit this year. Started preschool and is developing into a really bright boy. It’s evident especially when he’s around kids his age cause he’s much more confident in his speech and easily understood where some of the other kids aren’t really all that well spoken or confident about much. Charlie really makes me proud, he’s a great kid.

There were quite a few times this year where I had taken time to reflect on things, particularly after a lot of the really horrible things that happened this year, and I was sad but also thankful I have what I have. I’m very lucky. I have two wonderful boys and an amazing, beautiful wife who continues to be my inspiration and is unquestionably the strongest person I know. She’s handled a lot this year raising the boys and we love her very much.

As for myself, I’m happy to have continued throughout the year happy in other areas except at home, which as previously stated is basically a utopia. I’ll save the “I wish I was more…” posts for later or possibly just stop them altogether since doing more seems to make the wishing more go away. I did complete a 5k this year which I am proud of and look forward to a couple more races this coming year since I actually enjoy running and it agrees with me.

I hope that you had a wonderful year as well, wherever you are. Cheers!