This past month has been really interesting. I’ve taken on a couple new projects, mostly personal, and have been continuing to develop my skills as a developer, writer, blogger and designer. Sounds like a lot, right? Really, everything all ties together and will hopefully prove to be very interesting one completed, possibly launching in the next couple months. While all this is great, it isn’t paying the bills. I’ll be out of work for a full year at the end of this month and I’m starting to feel a little disconnected and concerned about getting back into the fold.

I’ve had some new interesting things come up lately, one would be very interesting and close to home with the gym located in-between. I like the person I’d be working with seems like a good guy, although he gives me beard envy. I’m reminded on a daily basis how important stability is as well as the need to be strong. I typically take things at a slower pace than most when it comes to change—partly because I’m overly logical about it, as in “how will this affect me in three years” and partly because I’ve still got a bit of the lazy teenager hanging around whispering in my ear from time to time.

I am indeed hard on myself when it comes to certain things career-wise, mostly those to do with applying things I’ve learned. For example, I can program better than some of the people I’ve met who do it for a living, yet I’m not confident enough in my skills to present myself as a true developer. I think it’s probably a shield I keep up to protect myself, also that I truly think that never having a good mentor has hurt me professionally. I know I’ve got a lot more to give as a professional designer but my portfolio of work doesn’t show a particularly polished set of skills, or one thing I do particularly well. The same goes for my development portfolio; however, that portfolio is much younger than the design one and there’s a bit of wiggle room.

Sure, I’m still young and there’s some time to get things going and nurture the sleeping beast within, but I need to be. I need to be a provider. I need to be a father. I need to be a husband. And I think doing those things will make everything easier, however, right now I need to be eating something because I be hungry.